8/19/2025.

Ah writing about an ex husband feels too spicy. Plus we were 18/19 when we got married and grew in different directions, which is normal sometimes. If it would have worked, it would have worked. It didn't.

Reliability. Specifically: reliability in complex emergency situations.

^We both shared that quality and I find it attractive in others.

Why? lol. It's my life. It's intense in my bubble and when people cannot keep up, it becomes frustrating and scary to them. And as someone who has significant coping mechanisms and compartmentalization strategies from exposure to many stressful circumstances that I actually enjoy (keep in mind I am someone who manages tantrums all day and moderates behavior), my world view is unique. My life needs are unique as well. I'm already a mother of two blind children. Asking someone to understand why I'm getting bit and attacked at work in addition to my own daily challenges - well I've lost relationships over my career choices.

It's not like I can talk about work events either. Yet I don't need or want to. Work is work. I'm very good at splitting and managing that stress. Leaving it where it belongs. Believe me, while in intense situations - ruminating on it later, does not do you any favors. It's best to just clear and enjoy life in order to prepare for it to happen again and it will. It's the nature of my job. If anything, I'm refreshed on why it's important to live and find gratefulness.

However when I do come home, it does inspire curiosity from those who care about me. Seeing the injuries, the exhaustion, reading my vibes - because some days I am lit up from exposure stress. Or ignorant obliviousness because they truly have no clue what I do all day. Their only exposure to the world of developmental disabilities may be to Jake and Julia who do not have behaviors. And they read things on the internet.

Idk, it's getting late. I have a new schedule at work and I'm going through a heavy readjustment phase. I should be used to chaos by now and I am - however my main clients changed and I have to physically/mentally adjust to match their needs. It's a much bigger shift than I expected. I even cut back on my running, just to get a better handle on the transition. My blood pressure is still higher than it should be. And yes, it's disturbing but there's not much I can do about it. If I take a break from writing the daily prompts, I probably needed it.