8/01/2025.

It's been a crazy month. I probably could have started writing the prompts again but I wanted to wait until a new month. I'm superstitous like that. Lol. Habits, I seem to live and die by them. I wouldn't have survived this long without respecting my mind and body.

I needed a break. I didn't drown - even though it felt like I was going to again. Summer break is intense for a special needs parent. How can I be an advocate if I just disregard this basic reality? Life is complex for me. I'm carrying more burdens yes but I'm also carrying successful learning strategies. Experience.

And that brings me to a big accomplishment - I was able to finish the 5K program!

It was slow paced and beautiful. There were even flags up in my neighborhood that made it feel special as I ran under them. Also, our community mailbox was blown up.  (That's the yellow caution tape clipped photo.)

Who said Kansas was boring? Kids. July. Leftover fireworks. It happens.

I'm not new to running but I got off track due to work and illness last year. It was important for me to reestablish one of my favorite activities, safely. Having the hypertensive crisis over Christmas - I had to seriously re-evaluate my life. I drew upon experience to craft a way forward. This time? I've added a daily hour of yoga/stretching, every morning. Plus I do have an active job. Which helps/hinders this training. Like this week. Schedule is packed and I have no energy left.

In a couple weeks school resumes and the schedule will ease up but if not, I'm there. I'm in a good place and able to handle the challenges, even if I have to flex on the journaling. I wish I had learned/accepted this balance strategy earlier because I used to journal the kids/our medical journey when they were little and I stopped due to the grief performance pressure of it all. To be fair, SM practically became unusable over the last decade. Should it be that way? No but we're not there as a society to address it properly. One day though.

I'm a very sarcastic person so reading this prompt - well I read it from a point of view that is negative because most days I feel like nothing could possibly surprise me anymore about human nature. And that's not accurate because of anyone, I'm around extraordinary all day. I have seen things I'm not allowed to talk about. It's hard living in that kind of world where I have to piece together a storytime to other people who probably don't have a reference point and are depressed/upset - who maybe have lost sight of hope or generosity.

However I am around extraordinary joy every day. Working with developmentally disabled children is an enormous source of chaos and joy. At least for me, I truly enjoy how unique, unpredictable and dynamic my days are. At work. At home with my own kids. I'm blessed. It gives me a great sense of perspective and ambition. I care. I love. And I bleed because this is a world filled with bittersweet grief. And it's hard. So hard.

I might have experience but I don't have endless energy - which is really what I grieve the most. Exercise is an investment. I took this summer and invested. I'm starting to reclaim energy. Sounds silly, I know. But when you're at the bottom, struggling and feeling energy slip away - depression set in,

So to answer the prompt - at the beginning of my investment journey, I was tired and battered from the hypertensive crisis recovery and all the invisible physical/emotional hell. I couldn't imagine what it'd feel like to run a 5K again. But when I tried (because I wanted to see a goal post and how to get there) - I imagined a war, one where I'd have to find superhuman strength and overcome obstacles to barely scrape by day to day.

That didn't happen. Facts emerged. I changed careers from the last time I had finished a 5K. All the behavior technician discipline - made it pretty easy to stick to a workout routine. Reshaping behavior is what I do all day. I also had support from coworkers who share my passions. I wish I could say it was superhuman accomplishment but it wasn't. Mostly (and this is hard for me to accept) - I was sick from years of undiagnosed blood pressure fluctuations which made everything harder and I had no clue this was happening to me. It's an invisible disease process.

Trusting my doctor. Having access to quality medical care and medicine - changed my life. I did my part but I didn't do it alone.

So this is my story.