top of page

6/4/2025. #191

We're going to get to know me a little more tonight - today's prompt is deep and personal. The book is divided by age so the larger the numbers, the more reflection from an adult perspective. There are 192 prompts. Another reason why I wanted to randomize the daily selections and keep it interesting. I'm writing these fresh every day based on my moods and energy levels.


#191 - Describe something you've done about which you have no regrets. With perspective on your side, you would have done it exactly the same.


I've never regretted quitting a job or relationship - which are kind of the same things to me. Relationships take work. [that ship sailed a long time ago] >how I view dynamic conflict. It doesn't take much for me to realize I'm no longer on board or never was in the first place. I assess the situation and feel the loss instinctively while moving on. I respect myself and ability to navigate my own ship. I don't know how to describe that process. Where I've been as it corresponds to where I'm going. All I know is that it leads to happiness. Happiness is a choice.


In my life, I had to make significant life decisions. Harsh ones. Castastrophic ones. Ones that were so life destructive and painful - that even today I'm continuing to survive the consequences. I don't regret any of them because I made decisions based on my heart and feelings, which can change, but what I love and value about myself does not.


I know who I am.


It's been a slow process, unlocking this identity. That's life though. One step forward. In my case more like slipping through the cracks. Crawling through the obstacles.


I'm not sure if I have wrote of this on here but when I was 20 weeks pregnant with Jake and Julia - the entire pregnancy collapsed. I found myself in surgeries and facing horrific dilemmas that jeopardized all of our lives. I chose life.


When I lived through that level of trauma - all of life slowed down. Complex PTSD.

Because of this? Life shaping, I realize all could be substantially different by whatever choice of food I ate or words spoken/not spoken. I cannot even conceive of regret. I don't want to pare down life that deep because I probably could. Life happened. I faced it. I'll continue to face it. I want to be me. Confident. Brave. Accomplished.


Sometimes my self esteem dips. I am humbled constantly from the factors in my life. I allow myself to feel emotion in full and that's a wide range of disappointment (joy), grief and anxiety (laughter). At any point of this process I can form regret but it's not regret. It's exhaustion. Instead of viewing the past or lingering over other paths - I choose to invest in problem solving. Problem solving to balance the exhaustion and compiling better choices for myself from the lessons learned. It's heavy until I make it light. It's beautiful, this personal discipline of mine. Acceptance.



Today after work I continued on my 5K training. I'm finishing up week three. Scheduled to complete the program July 13. I'm feeling it tonight. Tired but in a good way.


I chose to check out the Arkansas River after the floods. It was pretty high.


Here's a photo from today, compared to a couple months ago.


Top: March 24, 2025 | Bottom: June 4, 2025 (flood)
Top: March 24, 2025 | Bottom: June 4, 2025 (flood)

It's supposed to rain again tomorrow.



Recent Posts

See All
6/15/25. #181

#181 - Choose one person from your entire life, and write that one person a letter to clear up something he or she never really "got"...

 
 
6/13/2025. #156

#156 - How have your religious beliefs developed up to this point? Life experience. And that's a little misunderstood because despite...

 
 

Comments


Commenting on this post isn't available anymore. Contact the site owner for more info.

©2022 by My Site. Proudly created with Wix.com

bottom of page