6/26/2025. #162

I hit a wall today. One of those exhaustion overloads and heavy sensations that no amount of anything (caffeine, sugar, exercise, rage) can break through. The time dragged through work. I spent half the morning wondering if I was coming down sick because my body felt so crumpled. And it wasn't just me. My entire team felt the same way. It was a difficult day. Made worse because I hadn't been following all of the various work chats and somehow forgot that tomorrow is 'Splash!' day for the kids. I'm going to be honest. Reading that program while exhausted? Let's just say I was not as excited as my younger coworkers. Unstructured water chaos?? My first thought, can I call in? Yet the adult in me has already spent that PTO balance so it's a tough call. I'll be at work tomorrow. Continuing on...what's the prompt for today -

I'm a responsible adult. I feel like that is more than enough for society. Maybe I'm just jaded from observing so many immature and unreliable people. I know for me personally I would not want a gift, free coffee in a drive thru lane or even money from 'pay it forward' schemes, which annoy me because those things seem artificial and manipulative. I would want someone to be present. And if they're present, responsible and considerate.

I'm a caregiver though. I value care. I've thought of this often as I would choose this daily line of work. Providing care to developmentally disabled children is an enormous amount of joy. Yet there is a harsh reality attached. Increased stress, minimal resources, unpredictability. It's an adrenaline rush and it takes a certain kind of person to pull it all together. Somehow I knew that about myself when faced with the life dilemmas that led me here.