6/21/2025. #121

I've had a winding career and life. In fact most people did not consider me to have a career since I was a stay at home mom. Everything I did was disregarded or minimized - despite the complexity of managing micro-preemies. I had hundreds of therapy appointments their first year of life, in addition to specialists. It threw me into a medical world, one where my kids lives were fully in my hands as no one else could handle the complicated nature of their daily needs and future. Early intervention programs were decimated at the same time. But even during consultations - raising multiple kids with disabilities? People just smiled with pity in their eyes. They had kind words though.

I steeled myself back then - I vowed to never be that kind of therapist/person. I didn't know it then but that was my career. I was so belittled and diminished - even I didn't see myself working. I took these developed and acquired skills for granted, surviving one day at a time.

I was so physically exhausted and burnt out from caregiving and life but still wanted to pursue advocacy so I escaped into writing. I foolishly believed if I could become a writer that people would take me seriously. In my defense, life was different back then. SM itself wasn't nearly as politically charged and with my background - it was like watching my writing career implode as I began to piece together reactionary behavior triggers. Heightened because I personally grew up in a church environment. It became a game of - how do I write without triggering hysterical strangers with my own very real trauma?

Writing was more of a hobby for me. I was married and secure in life. And on that end, facing even more additional stress from my husband's career in natural gas - also something I'm not allowed to claim expertise in despite it dominating my life for over a decade.

My life perspective is rare and vast. It feels unnatural talking about my daily life reality but there have been days of utter complete stress. For example, one day I was living in the hospital with Julia on an extended medical trip in the PICU, my parent's mobile home caught on fire with Jake in it and my husband? Off doing his dangerous job responding and resolving natural gas leaks. How do you compartmentalize all of that? For me it was a Tuesday. I was the center of that wheel.

It was nothing but a series of day cluster events like that and then recovery because after the emergencies ended, the invisible PTSD crept back in. Understanding this process was like unlocking a puzzle because it took me awhile to figure out this emotional rollercoaster and what was happening to me and my husband. No one prepped me on PTSD and trips to the doctor mainly involved them telling me to take naps and rest more. I have two blind children with disabilities. There is no time for me.

Deciding to remove the tiny bit of security I held - and get a divorce? It was brave. I also learned at that time I didn't have a career, despite working every day of my life. So the subject of a career is raw and painful for me.

Chasing happiness and honesty had a price. I paid it. I started over. Now I thoroughly enjoy my life as a behavior tech being able to help kids and their parents. I'm continuing to rebuild my career in that direction.