3/7/2025

There really should be a study on how energy flows through an exhausted parent because it defies expectations of how life works. I have so much energy and mental clarity today, it doesn't make sense. And in no possible way have I rested.

This is not the first time this has happened. It happens often. I only slept about 5 hours last night too. Don't get me wrong, I am obviously having issues with blood pressure and am not the healthiest I could be from how stressful my life actually is. Most days I have no appetite. It's all very rhythmic and a direct result from what I have adapted to survive from living with this unique kind of caregiving challenge. Nearly 16 years now.

There's also the gift of being able to lucid dream all the time. That sounds ridiculous but it's very easy in my world, especially as someone who spent years as a fiction writer dedicating effort in that direction. It was easy to become a writer because of how clear and memorable my nightly dreams are with endless inspiration to pull. And all the complex PTSD triggers amplify memory recall.

This kind of stuff fascinates me and another reason why I chose psychology when rebuilding my life. Something is missing. Write what you know - all so natural to me. I'm not sure if I chose psychology or psychology chose me.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to the weekend and continuing to develop my new writing project - Obscure. I just can't let it go. That's the other great thing about this condition. I can easily split my attention between existing as a fiction writer and work a real life job at the same time. All week I developed characters, just haven't had time to write it down. My memory isn't going to let me forget.

Considering the upcoming challenges of intellectual property theft from AI or bad faith actors (no difference) - I think it might be best to slowly write out the creative background development process of a story, just to prove I'm the actual owner of the work. Like a math proof but for creative writers. How/why these ideas come to me because influence is trackable.

Is it possible to define critical thinking skills? Maybe. I feel like a daily blog might help sort out that truth.