3/14/2025

Well it's been a day. Kids are now on Spring break so additional transporting them to grandma's house was necessary. It added an extra hour to my day. A work day that was already 9+ hours. As a bonus, it was an extreme weather day. Wind and wildfires. Which led to smoky dusty air. Awful really.

My phone battery was almost dead so I didn't get a chance to take many photos. I have an old phone and refuse to upgrade. On long days like this, it barely makes it. But the color of the clouds/day? Eerie and while I love weather, dust storms whipping around - uncomfortable. I saw many large trees knocked over on my drive home. At this point, just happy to be safe and home now for the weekend.

Dreams - well, the opposite happened. And it's rare but there are times I don't dream because I cannot sleep. I just kick into some kind of hyperdrive for like three days before I recover. So last night I just laid there and thought about things - which would be very uncomfortable (especially if fear/worry were attached) but I have a busy complicated life and am a writer, plenty to contemplate and plan during these times. A quiet mental time out is welcome.

I used to be horrified by lack of not being able to sleep but after a psychological break, not an issue anymore. Idk, I kind of see it as after surviving that kind of insanity, I can survive anything. Kind of like the Meniere's Disease. It's possible to build tolerance and acceptance I guess. I don't know. I've lived through extreme trauma. Talking about this makes people uncomfortable. Yet it's not uncomfortable for me to talk about. It's my life.

I feel great today. Ridiculous and endless energy. I've been up since 3AM. It's 8:30PM now. It was a long day of intensive caregiving challenge to 4 year olds. So every type of physical exertion. Lifting, jumping, squatting, sprinting.

I'm so disconnected from the physical response, it's incredible. I don't feel sleepy, wide awake. I hope I can sleep though. I'm on blood pressure meds, maybe they'll help adjust this rhythm somehow. Again, I don't know. I haven't had one of these types of events happen while on the blood pressure meds yet. And my blood pressure numbers are good now too.

I like this type of clarity. Even my appetite returned today. I was able to work on developing self improvement projects and habits. It was nice. I hope I can keep up the momentum.