1-22-2026. I'm back :)

So I haven't posted since 9/14/2025. I can't think of a more accurate way to describe my life. Disappearing.

As a creative, it's kind of awesome to just put projects on hold and forget they exist because when deep in an obsession, they can take over your life - the intensity of creation. It's nice to have the power to walk away. I'm not a professional writer. I'm a behavior technician and a creature of habit. So if I don't build daily check-ins - I will forget. I only have so much time/energy in a day.

And yet here I am, with a huge gap to explain - this is how I go through life: too tired to explain to others my life reality involving situations they cannot understand. I'm older. Wiser. Really that is all that matters. Yeah, I drowned for awhile. Then I swam.

Sometimes I wonder if journaling this way is meaningful. It really doesn't feel that way right now but it will be for the future. I look at all the concerns other writers have with authenticity and distribution in this digital age. Those are problems I don't want for myself.

On any given day, I'm balancing creative works with a professional life. I have an identifiable public profile. Very few mothers of two blind kids out there. I don't have anonymity and would not want it. Advocacy demands transparency.

But most days the thought of advocacy has soured on me because I feel like the best form of advocacy is lived action - actively assisting others and I have no time to write because that's what I do all day.

So writing and this project has completely shifted towards my educational goals with psychology. And this online project is documentation. Which is really difficult to explain to others, but a habit I picked it up from work - collecting data and setting goals. Where am I now, where will I go - that kind of thing. It's almost a critical need in my world, having an easy accessible page where people can learn about my complicated life without me having to explain it 1000x.

Psychology itself has failed to address the insanely fast spread of grief and terror. A lot of my work involves the communication intersection of digital/physical, what it takes to balance and yes, thrive.

So yeah, I'm cautious with this project but I feel like having an open workbook is the best way to show motivation and identifiable work product. I'm drawing upon my own life experiences. It's very personable. Intimate. Psychology should be though.

And even within all the professional work and study, I'd still love to be able to write fiction. I came up with a new series - DEACON but once again, how do I balance? With the large amount of grief and pressure in my life, writing fiction is an activity that allows me to relax and have fun again. I don't know if I'll have time to work on it but I wanted to mention it because it's been on my mind often. The desire to turn to fiction to solve problems.