Currently multi-tasking tonight and once again filling out paperwork for the kids, proving they're disabled. This particular one is extensive and I've put it off for so long - simply because taking off work is difficult and well, I'm tired of the endless obstacles. This process requires multiple trips to various doctors. They've been disabled their entire life. Proving it once should be enough.
I swear, we would not have these mystifying, repetitive and somehow unpredictable types of political problems if those who receive government resources faced the same type of scrutiny as a parent of a developmentally disabled child.
It's all so frustrating. The kids have a doctor appointment tomorrow so I'm hoping maybe I can get some of the providence gathering done at the same time but I don't know. The sad thing? Even going through all of this process, there is no funding (which I personally do not need) and caregiving services themselves are so stretched. Every day those resources are being decimated by whatever it is that fuels our world. Greed.
I'm grateful to have my health and sanity. Long ago I realized that investing in myself, was the best investment I could make for my kids. And that's terrifying to carry because it's a lot of performance pressure but honestly - working myself to death is better than failing them. In the past, I've floated in/out of depression to where death seemed preferable. I don't want to make this post dark. I'm no longer depressed - yet it's highly relatable to me. I'm just pissed off and tired.
To be fair, it's not the only reason why I'm upset tonight. I started counting how many people I've lost. People who did not join me on my mission to provide care towards developmentally disabled children. It's a lot. I'm in a deep angry mood, I better sign off.
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