Well I had plans for today but all missions have been aborted. Jake is ill. There is so much currently going around, it was only a matter of time. So far, appears to be the flu. Julia also is beginning to sneeze and cough.
It was boring adventures anyway - just a trip to Walmart and to prep for the next snowstorm. I find myself in that dreaded position - living on the prairie with no milk or bread with a blizzard approaching. lol. I bet the stores are packed today anyway. It's unique living in Kansas. The attitudes and culture. We take things seriously and have a protective nature for others as we battle the elements. Wichita itself is a Native American city. It might be populated with billionaire interest but the foundational core is of communal generosity and kindness.
And I love that about my home. Plus the unspoiled natural beauty and low cost of living. Along with the enormous amount of space. I enjoy being around people but having the option to escape into quiet nature is yet another reward that helps me balance the pressures of life. I don't have to follow conventional noise on how to be successful in life. All the meditation prayer life schemes and podcast doctors annoy me. I simply go outside.
I realize this is a condition to my environment. It's a big factor to the current disconnect happening in media/SM, even politics. Writers from the heartland are completely shut out from conversations. There's not really anything I can do about this factor, other than acknowledge it happening. But in many cases, those in fly over states are not just shut out but actively attacked for our way of life, that probably doesn't make sense becauase we live on the edge of wilderness. We help neighbors here.
Sure that process can be improved. For me, it's why I chose a caregiving career path because I want to use my talents to improve the lives of others in my community. I just happen to be in the most vulnerable population of Wichita. Which is where I'd want to be - the challenge is enormous but also exhausting and in some cases, infuriating to witness so much preventable injury and misuse of resources. I do not believe it's okay to add burden to the developmentally disabled and their caregivers.
I struggle on a daily basis to balance. I already went into a hypertensive crisis. Even today, I'm feeling the effects as I continue to recover and am thinking about the week ahead. With both of my kids sick? It's probably going to be a long week. Plus it's school conference week and despite being out a month to celebrate the holidays - they're going to be out of school most of the week and as a single working parent, that's hard to manage. Learning there's going to be a snowstorm again? I'm cringing right now. It's hard to stay positive. It really is. Especially with non-stop waves of challenge continually presented to me.
How much can one person endure?
I hate that I know this but it's actually quite a lot. It bothers me that so many live this kind of truth and it remains unrecognized in society. Or worse, completely disregarded as a lie. I'm not a hysterical person. I live in a hysterical world.
Usually I do my journal at night, so it feels weird to write in the morning. I'm currently thinking of adding splits and turning this project into more definable purpose. For example, I had a horrific nightmare again last night. I feel like I should document them because it was a warning but also I'd like to write about what happens to those with extensive PTSD and life challenge. It's clear to me that this type of mental process isn't respected and gets lost in the noise.
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