top of page

1/25/2025

It's been a small day. Enjoying the day off. At some point I managed to take a nap.


I want to celebrate some wins.

  • I've consistently been able to blog each day.

  • I have stopped drinking soda.

  • I've decided on restarting a 5k running program tomorrow.

  • Still thinking about yoga but I'm a runner. I miss it.

  • Worked on new concepts and writing projects. SM Farming.


Something I noticed? It's really hard for me to start writing a personal blog. I've been playing with the AI tools and it's distracting. One, I don't like AI. Two, it's fun to twist and mangle the concepts.


Again, I'm not sure what direction I want to take this blog but it's mostly for me. I love the idea of free expression but sharing pieces of myself is hard. And that's the awful part about advocacy, living a life on display. I miss anonymity. I don't have it any more. I'm recognizable in my community. That's what happens with disabilities, it's odd. It stands out and catches attention. Wichita is like a giant small town.


Don't get me wrong. I have adapted to this form of lifestyle. Even in my career I exist in this format as a disability advocate. But if I don't accurately blog my truth? Then I'm not actually helping other parents as they face these challenges.


I would love to put a positive spin on my life but that would completely disregard the last 15 years and why I find myself as a 41 year old in a hypertensive crisis. Society failed me. I've had plenty of life changing moments and epiphanies. Those dominate my life over the wins. Not being able to share them with others? Isolating and led to less empathy towards me. Even additional grief formed because these lessons were valuable.


Truth is? I'm in a dark place tonight. My anxiety is high for so many reasons. This is not my first medical issue. The chronic stress emerged when the kids were about a year old. I developed a rare condition, drop attacks with hearing loss and severe vertigo. I was eventually diagnosed with Meniere's Disease. During these events, I get visions. They aren't hallucinations but warnings.


Over the years I've became very good at managing the condition. It required significant diet and lifestyle changes. After years of mild/minimal activity, I had another one today. It wasn't a nap. The vision relayed to me? I'm still trying to understand.


So this is going to be short tonight those kinds of events are draining. Kind of just want to curl up with a blanket and some form of escape. Maybe some tea. Might paint. Writing isn't helping.



an accumulation of my prior works - abstract watercolor
an accumulation of my prior works - abstract watercolor





Recent Posts

See All

2/17/2025

Early in the day, found out that Jake did in fact break his arm. Managed to get him into the ortho surgeon this afternoon. Which was...

2/15/2025

I had a long list of tasks I wanted to get done today. Didn't happen. I really need to get my life together. Which is ridiculous because...

Comments


Commenting has been turned off.

©2022 by My Site. Proudly created with Wix.com

bottom of page